Celebratory Climate Change Verses

Don't like the data? Ignore 'em!
That's how Mr Santorum
Can say it's "absurd"
And be undeterred
By the fact that the Earth's going to scorch'im!

(CP inspired by Republican race)

In March Ann the world is a' travellin'
Green Screen: Climate Fix due promotin'
It'll be all the rave
For the world it may save
If everyone watching is notin'

Green Screen: Climate Fix Flicks
www.greenscreen.org.au

We can argue how fast or how slow
The climate will change - we don't know
But we're in a position
To control emission
So why not just give it a go?

(Jenny -- good one!)

Anthropogenic is it,
The data and models all fit.
With coal-fired stations
And deforestations
We're bound to end up in the doo doo.

(Editor's note --the 'doo doo' cleverly conceals the 'pit' )

In Erice in March 1980
Young Ann, PhD but not weighty
Was already trying
To stop all the buying
Of fossil-fuelled products so lately.

(Andre for Ann -- are we both so old?)

It is very hard to predict future weather
To do it you need to be clever
To help you will need
A good book to read
Try A Climate Modelling Primer

1952 was a very good year
Just look at AH-S's career
She never did stop
She's still at the top
The renowned Climate Change pioneer

We're dangerously interfering
until the world is near-searing
so what crazy scheme
did our boffins up-dream?
"Let's try some geo-engineering!"

Instead of emissions reduction
they came up with a brilliant deduction:
For refrigeration
we'll block insolation,
and to hell with net primary production.
(CP, 2012)

There once was a sad little cloud
Who was heard to bemoan aloud,
“I squeeze out the drops
To water the crops
A fact that makes me quite proud!”

“But where’s all the thanks that I get?
Rain causes the humans to fret!
But if I stopped being wet
They’d all be upset
And fear a complete climate threat.”

So, our brave little cloud carries on
Being fed by the Sun’s radiation
Heeding only ENSO,
And her own albedo,
And increasing particulate carbon.

(Penny -- such a good friend -- since Gaia and NCAR)

The increase in deforestation
Was noted by Ann in frustration
We must all stop it now
Else we’ll never know how
To unite all the world from each nation.

(H.Z. Ph.D student 1992-1996)

There was a fine scientist named Ann
Studying climate as well as one can.
She found that, no doubt,
Warming would come about
And that this would badly affect Man.

(RN for WCRP, since pre-history)

Nelsons Lens Hardener has made my day
Knowing all about eel catching M.A.
What is the code
Try Anna-G mode
To find out who and what she will say.

(Good one!)

The Climate Modelling Primer
Isn't a dozen-a-dimer.
Take a good look
At this excellent book,
And add your name to the rhymer.

(CP - thanks)

To the ocean nitrates are leaching
CO2 is dissolving they’re preaching
We add to pollution
With no resolution
So the Barrier Reef keeps on bleaching.

(DG, best yet)

Without the ability to measure
We are free to make modelling pleasure
Through improbable assumption
And theoretical presumption
Disorder will turn into treasure.

(GA , 2004)

A meteorological sceptic
Made scientists quite apoplectic
He said "No" the gas,
And the great human mass
"It's volcanoes, not your dialectic"

An anthropogenical boffin
Had sceptics she couldn't quite soften
They said, "don't be a fool"
We aren't losing our cool"
The days are just hotter more often!

(JC, since 1988)

Still full of climactic desire
It was weather or not to retire?
Yet to quit while it's hot
When some say it's not
Might have you believing in Gaia.

(JC, since 1988)

Scientists must write a load
Of works where great learning is showed.
But there are not any
Who've written as many
As the Doyenne of Kissing Point Road.

(CP -- always a mate)

Steve "Climate Revisionist" Harper
Than blancmange has proved little sharper
We used to shine bright
In the forces of light
But now from Kyoto we scarper.

(Susan Lingard, nee Futtit, since 1952!)

The top way to travel is slow
On foot you're just happy to know
When your trail is far on
You've not added carbon
So walking's the best way to go!

(Hedonistic Hiker since 2007)

Herds of cows, whatever their hue,
Emit CH4 when they moo.
And other Earth-dwellers,
Even Henderson-Sellers,
Produce far too much CO2.

Ann is our Climate Guru
Her prophecies are all coming true
Leaders,we implore them
Her prophecies dont ignore them
Otherwise Earth is doomed and me and you too.

She asked that we all would endeavour
To write limericks about the weather
How it is warmer
And maybe a bit stormier
But most of all rhyming most clever

I thought straight away of the Holocene
And how its climate really should have been
But then I got stuck
And thought “Oh Bother”
Thank God we invented the Anthropocene!

The companies exporting our coal
Are putting us all in a hole
While the planet is baking
Big money they're making
Gaining Arctic liquidity their goa.
(IL)

Since Villach back in nine eight-five
Our confidence has taken a dive
The fossil fuel burners
And political churners
Don't really want us to survive!

Despite the Climate Modelling Primer
Sand pours through Earth's life-timer
With a new 4th edition
She's still on her mission
Not bad for a Bus Pass old timer

(Not long to wait!)

An earnest young scientist, Ann
Began with a really good plan,
To save the world,
Before she was old,
Only hitch is she's writing Fortran!

(Claire - since 1983)

There once was a girl called Yoko
Who heard that the climate was loco
She said, "but who cares
If we lose polar bears
'Cause we failed to commit to Kyoto?"

(CC, at last)

I knew a climate science buff, Ann
Who replied to my email spam
Saying sea-levels rises
In all her reply-ses
So I brought armbands for my man!

In March Ann the world is a' travellin'
Green Screen: Climate Fix due promotin'
It'll be all the rave
For the world it may save
If everyone watching is notin'

Green Screen: Climate Fix Flicks
www.greenscreen.org.au

I'll tell you something that's true
Ann works with a dedicated crew
There's Brian and Kendal
Peng so adorable
But the sweetest of all is her Pooh.

(So True!)

Met'rologist Henderson-Sellers
Writes books that are nearly best sellers
She's over the Moon
She's retiring soon
To sample wine from all the best cellars.
PDC

There is a great nation called China
A major economy none finer
But their care for the planet
Make others condemn it
Climate action- not major but minor.

(Patrick, not bad)

Hear tell of Ann Two of Green Gables
Always telling the truth, never fables
Cared more than a jot
So she shouted a lot
And strove hard to turn climate tables

(PDC)

There is a brilliant climate scientist called Ann,
Who informs policymakers the best she can,
Despite uncertainties cool,
And controversies fool,
Ann always effectively persuades sceptical men.

Long after years of research and science-policy assessments,
Often questioned by sceptical harassments,
The truth emerged,
And policies were nursed,
Resulting in late but urgently needed policy investments.

Ann: Happy Birthday! Rik

Of W-words short and long,
She to "Witches" would belong.
But even a toddler
Should know that a modeller
Is frequently found to be "W****".

('Women as Witches' WiseNet Journal 54 July 2000
http://www.wisenet-australia.org/issue54/sellers.htm)

There once was an epoch called holocene
Seemed fine before humans and an almighty scene
So thanks to humanity
For this climate calamity
Hear science, leave nothing to chance in the anthropocene

Martin Rice (ESSP, 2006)

OOOOOOOOOOh said the climate change fairy
Earth's weather is getting quite hairy
The pollies are craven
Making polluters a haven
For our children the future's quite scary.

(AJ, 1998-2004)

There once was a climate normale
With God the controller somehow
Then along came Man
With trucks, cars and van
And changed climate to the crisis right now!

(RA, UCAR & MECCA)

Ann is the climate Pied Piper
Although she can be a bit hyper
She took up the lead
Wrote books we all read
Using them we can move out of danger.

(LC, Best friends, 1977 onwards)

Green Screen short stories aren't no fairy fables
Dave, Josh & our Ann turn the tables
On the climate deniers
And their sad sympathisers
Overhaul public view with these labels.

Grand Prize screening 13 March
greenscreengrandprize.eventbrite.com.au

I'm up all night and can't sleep
I'm sick of counting those sheep
What do I do?
Try the same trick as you
And write lim'ricks to post in a heap.

(All insomniacs)

We are told the climate will change
But how far will parameters range?
For better or worse
Not knowings our curse
Sailing deserts may be very strange.

Doctor Doctor Oh Dear
Got a bad case of lim'rick diarrhoea
I've tried hard to stop
But out they still pop
All because of Ann's 60th year.

(Pat this cannot be anonymous!)

Trusted Leaders with seats at the table
Hatched up a plan to enable
The World to survive
With us all alive
If only they we careful and able

I was worried for biodiversity
So I learned at a top university
That by warming the planet
We’ll kill every gannet
And everything else, that’s perversity

Climate scientists learn with ferocity
About things like potential vorticity
About temperature gain,
Clouds, convection and rain
But rhyming, of that there’s a paucity.

WCRP JSC, 2006-8

Sceptics say the science is treason
Climate scientists are open season
But like it or not
The climate is hot
Or we’re saving the world for no reason

There’s no question our climate has changed
Weather patterns have all rearranged
There are more floods and drought
It’s got hotter no doubt
If you don’t believe that you’re deranged.

DG